This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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