I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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