I wish I could punch you in the face.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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