yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize