just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
