she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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