Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am naked and annoyed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize