No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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