I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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