Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
