Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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