She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
