I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
