This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
