btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
