Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
