hell yes lets make some ravioli
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
