didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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