I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
