Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
