haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
