wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
