you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
