I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
