I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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