jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
