He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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