Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
