Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
