Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
