She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
