I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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