there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Farmville is her only friend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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