I'm so fucking centered right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
