he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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