What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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