woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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