soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize