so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am available for nakedness
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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