there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
