yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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