john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize