Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
