i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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