Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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