A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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