forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
