I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
