can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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