I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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