i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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