why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
