I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
look no pants
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
