Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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