So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
