I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
