I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
