his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
