Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
