Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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