I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
