you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
