well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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