I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
