I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
