i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
