So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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