He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
