don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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