You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how drunk are you?
Several
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize