Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
