the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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