All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
