the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
