Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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