I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize