I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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