Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
