When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
