Already got asked if we're dating
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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