His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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