im six kinds of drunk right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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