You just made me feel so damn special
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
