just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
