I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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