I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
