I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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