forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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