I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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