Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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