Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
