Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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