Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
