Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
