I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
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