You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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