3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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