so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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