This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
