I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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