totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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