wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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