I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
