where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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